||[September 12, 2007]
So all that school shit the other day fucking SUCKED. She told me I had to take a 4 hour test for all the subjects, when I told the dumb bitch I only needed credits left for History and a Couple Science courses. I guess that didn't get through her head. *rolls eyes* It's whatever, school isn't important to me anymore... I'll just be a loser working in retail for the rest of my life.
Neal and I still aren't doing well. His phone has now been turned off, so I have pretty much NO way of contacting him. We have to stay in touch by the times we see each other. Like I'm seeing him tonight, than after tonight he just pretty much has to tell me a day and time he want's to see me, than it's pretty much if he shows up or not. It fucking sucks, but it's whatever, everything is always shitty.
Life is shitty
I hate everything right now.
And I have for quite some time now.
When will my fucking good day come?!
Jesus fucking christ!!
|Who was your last. ~Survey I took from Myspace~
||[September 09, 2007]
w h o w a s y o u r l a s t
Rule 1: if you open this you gotta take it
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING
unless someone comments you and asks.
Rule 3: T F
Only answer True or False.
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends? Doesn't apply on Livejournal. ;]
Q: Been arrested? True
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? True
Q: You like someone? I am in love with a male stripper.....((not really, dumbass))
Q: Held a snake? True
Q: Been suspended from school? True
Q: Sat on a roof top? False
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? True
Q: Broken a bone? False
Q: Shaved your head? True, but not completely.
Q: Played a prank on someone? True
Q: Had/have a gym membership? False
Q: Shot a gun? True
Q: Donated Blood? True
just be 100% truthful
1. You hung out with? My Sexy Nella. =D
2. Last person that you texted? I don't have a cellphone anymore.
3. You were in a car with? Neal
4. Went to the movies with? Neal
5. Went to the mall with? Neal
6. You talked to on the phone? Neal
8. You called? Neal
9. You messaged on myspace? I don't remember.
10. You commented? Neal
11. You spent the night with? Neal .... do you see a pattern here? Hahaha.
12. You hit? Probably Heather or Eric, haha.
WOULD YOU RATHER...
1. Eat or drink? Eat
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Milk is nasty, but if I had to choose, than whole.
4. Die in a fire or get shot? Get shot like fidddddy cent, yo.
1. Sun or moon? Moon
2. Winter or Fall? FALL all the way, most beautiful season ever.
3. Left or right? Right
4. Sunny or rainy? Rainy
5. Black/white or color? Both, bitch.
6. Top or bottom? Mmhmmm. =]
7. Where do you live? Planet 13
8. Do you want to get married? I truely cannot wait!
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirlll.
10. Do You Cook? Indeed! ^___^
11. Current mood? Sleepy as shit.
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? Yes
2. Been hugged by someone? Yes
3. Held hands with someone? Yes
4. Felt stupid? Yeah, Eric alway's makes me feel dumb. Haha.
Repost this as: " w h o w a s y o u r l a s t"
||[September 09, 2007]
Yeah, so I don't know why I always gotta post in this thing so early in the morning, lol. I guess it's just the time that I happen to be the most awake.
So, I saw one of the most amazing movies ever this morning before work, called "The Ultimate Gift", it really touched my heart.... yeah I know, really cheesy right? But, I ended up going out tonight and spending like $22 buying and I made Neal watch it with me, he loved it as well.
Today was a pretty good day at work, kinda long. Makes me yearn for Halloween to get here even sooner. I truely cannot wait, Halloween is just the greatest time of the year... I mean fall in general is just AMAZING. I love how everything changes colors and than dies, and the smell of dead leaves, with the burning essence.... I just think it's so beautiful. *goes off into a daze* lol.
I have to work tomorrow 2:30-Close... but Neal and I are hanging out ahead of time before work, I'll end up falling asleep at his house in his arms, as always. =] Than on Monday I have to get up at like 8AM and go take that school thing than go to work directly afterwards... so my schedule is finally filling up and like I've said before, I'm starting to feel like I'm not such a loser anymore. *grunt* Nobody want's to be a loser....
and if you do... well, you have problems, haha, but don't we all?
Alright, I'm fucking babbling and I swear... I hope nobody reads this.. I sound rediculous.
Also, I can't believe that I've actually kept up with writing in this thing for more than like a day, haha. Usually that's about how long it lasts before I realize it's really pointless and that pretty much anybody can find it at like any time.... gay. But seriously, go me for actually keeping up with something for once. Woohoo.
Well, I'm out.
Happy Halloween & Merry Christmas Motherfuckerrrrrrrs.
|Sometimes I feel like I could never feel different, even if I tried.
||[September 08, 2007]
So it's pretty early in the morning and I should really be sleeping right now since I have a really long shift tomorrow. But for some reason my fucking head races so much that I can't even have 5 minutes of peace to myself. Granted, today was a great day and I was so happy to be able to finally spend it with Neal, since like I get to spend almost no time with him anymore due to his side jobs he's been doing with his dad. We went and got my check cashed and went to Walmart and ended up going out to eat and getting stuffed off our asses and feeling like we were gonna puke everywhere, lol. Than I got him some new clothes and we went to the Halloween store and I found some Nightmare Before Christmas shit, but since we had gotten there right before it closed, I didn't really get to get all the shit that I wanted. *grunt* But it's alright, I can always go back, plus my job should be getting our Halloween shipment in soon.
I really wish I wasn't so fucking depressed and worried all the time. I really feel like I cannot get out of this and it's driving me fucking insane. I'm sure it's driving Neal insane as well, but I know that he pretty much is almost alway's upset with me anyway. I really feel like I'm going to end up loosing him, and it hurts so fucking much to feel this way.
I just want to be happy.
I just need happyness.
and I need it to last.
Just for ONCE.
God, please. =[
....This is where I go to bed and rest my head.
Goodnight cold, bitter world.
||[September 06, 2007]
Damn, I can't even begin to say how many of these LiveJournal thing's I've had in the past, plus a whole bunch of Xanga's. I figured I'd try this out once again, but I probably won't end up writing in it that much since I'm a huge Myspace user. I mean, I don't really want anybody to read this, it's kind of just for myself, but I'm sure somebody will eventually come along and find it, than everybody will know about it, so I'll just bare with it for the time being.
I have had so much on my mind lately and it's driving me fucking crazy. Everytime I try and be a nice caring person and think about other people besides myself, somehow I still alway's feel like an asshole. I try to do anything I can for other people but somehow, I always get fucking shit on. I've been thinking about a lot of people I used to hang out with here recently, and yeah, a part of me misses them, but at the same time I don't ever want to fucking speak to them again. I have never been the type of person to sit there and hold grudges, but I really feel used/cheated by all of them, and I've actually been much better off without them. Plus, it's not like they ever think of me, so why should I give any of them the fucking time of day. I was born alone, and I will die alone. All I can rely on is myself, and I think I'm actually one of the only people at my age that can actually fucking realize that. It hurts, but it's the truth and you just gotta face it.
Work is going well. I'm going to take some test next week so I can get set up with online school courses once again. Umm... it's almost that time of year!! =] Halloween is right around the corner and I cannot fucking wait! Tis' my favorite time of year.... but I guess you couldn't tell that? Hahahah. But no, I'm super excited. I get to dress up like a slut for work, ha. But I'm no slut.... >.<.
Meeeeep! I hope I get over being sick, aswell. This fucking shit blocking up my throat and lungs to where I can hardly breathe.. SUCKS! I mean granted my nose and eyes aren't watering like they were, but it's all down in my chest now, and it hurts. I cough and end up sounding like a 90yr. old woman who is about to pass. Terrible.
I think I might get another tattoo this weekend with the paycheck that I'm getting tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what I want to get. I'm thinking about getting the Misfits skull above my Jack tattoo and just a little off centered to my right. I dunno, than my other arm will look even more naked than it does now, but I don't exactly want to get anything on that arm for awhile considering all the scars on there and the ones that haven't even fully healed yet, I'm pretty sure that would hurt like fucking hell.
Alright, enough babbling, gotta run up to the movie store.